im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
