I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
