Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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