some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
