I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dick very happy bro
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Btw I puked in your glovebox
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize