I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
you never un-have a 4some
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
