Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
