I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
