this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
