I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
