are you so shy because you have an std?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
