apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My bed is full of blood and feathers
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize