Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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