i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
3pm strippers are depressing
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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