in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
