He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
