I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
