What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize