dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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