i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
