I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Randomize
