and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
