And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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