I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
