She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
