Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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