Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
