I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
