I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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