im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
