Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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