Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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