i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
