I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
