All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize