5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
