I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
