I accidentally had phone sex last night
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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