Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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