OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
