DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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