I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
