There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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