He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
