If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
