He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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