My balls are so social today.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
