Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
How's work?
Spinning.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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