Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
