oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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