Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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