I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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