I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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