her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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