Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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