Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
