Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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