Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
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