The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
