You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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