I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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