ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I understand Curling. That high.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Randomize