Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
