The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize