I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
