Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize