hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
