You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
