let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
