If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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