best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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