$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I can text with my tongue
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
