I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I feel like death gave me a hand job
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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