u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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