So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
