I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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