It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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