is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
