i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
