This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize