after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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