the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
