You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
