I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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