He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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