im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
