i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
