it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
