i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
