I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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